Who am I?

So here I am, month 9 of my maternity leave. My antenatal class comrades have returned to work, baby groups are getting a bit samey and my days, wel, they’re a teeny bit lonely if I’m honest.

Pre-baby, I was high flying career girl who had studied and worked hard to climb the dizzy ladder of corporate life. My working week was jam packed with meetings, decision making and business dinners…… slightly excessive drinking with aforementioned nourishment. These days, the faint whiff of a glass of wine and I am overly enthusiastically chatty about many a subject matter. And, these days, I’m not sure I’m still the person I was nor am I certain of the person I’ve now become. Am I a mother, wife, Senior Manager or business owner. We’ll deal with the latter 2 roles first and come back to the other stuff – otherwise this blog would be way too long.

During this time of identity crisis, I’m in the position of choosing whether to go back to my previous high pressure but equally highly paid role or join the family business for less money but more autonomy and ultimately be my own boss. I totally appreciate that this is a pretty good position to be in and that I am way more fortunate than others post nipper arrival. In fact, 2 equally good choices right?

The fact that they’re equally good is potentially the bit that’s making this difficult. If I I’d rather stick needles in my eyes as I despise my family and loved the cut and thrust of business life, no problem. If I were to be very close to my family (which I am) and reflected on my previous role with loathing fear and anxiety (which I don’t), no question of which option to take. But both choices have their own merits.

There’s a great talk on TED by Ruth Chang on Hard Choices and she is able to phrase this dilemma much more eloquently than me. However, I’m wondering how much of a ‘choice’ these 2 options really are – I must
choose 1 after all. It’s either one or the other that need to be compatible with my role of mother/wife/breadwinner/career girl/home bird………who am I again?

The beginning……..

Well here we are, first post on the blog on a sunny Sunday afternoon. I should in fact be having a snooze whilst my 9 month old has a nap. He’s had croup over the last 2 weeks which has left me with a delightful and oh so attractive summer cold to contend with whilst trying to develop my new career route, getting prepared for our 1st family holiday away and keeping up with the mundane necessity of having a somewhat presentable house……easy-peasey.

Holiday is a week in a cottage in North Norfolk which the hubby and I are very much looking forward too. Its a huge departure from our usual annual trip to Ibiza but the combination of maternity pay and a small child has led us to rethink that holiday format. Well for now anyway. At the moment I’m in the throes of endless list writing and ‘to do’ lists in preparation for our little break away.

However, I blame my cold for my lack of inclination to do anything but lie on the sofa watching you tube videos……unmotivated is an understatement. Maybe that snooze is a good idea after all 😉