Who am I?

So here I am, month 9 of my maternity leave. My antenatal class comrades have returned to work, baby groups are getting a bit samey and my days, wel, they’re a teeny bit lonely if I’m honest.

Pre-baby, I was high flying career girl who had studied and worked hard to climb the dizzy ladder of corporate life. My working week was jam packed with meetings, decision making and business dinners…… slightly excessive drinking with aforementioned nourishment. These days, the faint whiff of a glass of wine and I am overly enthusiastically chatty about many a subject matter. And, these days, I’m not sure I’m still the person I was nor am I certain of the person I’ve now become. Am I a mother, wife, Senior Manager or business owner. We’ll deal with the latter 2 roles first and come back to the other stuff – otherwise this blog would be way too long.

During this time of identity crisis, I’m in the position of choosing whether to go back to my previous high pressure but equally highly paid role or join the family business for less money but more autonomy and ultimately be my own boss. I totally appreciate that this is a pretty good position to be in and that I am way more fortunate than others post nipper arrival. In fact, 2 equally good choices right?

The fact that they’re equally good is potentially the bit that’s making this difficult. If I I’d rather stick needles in my eyes as I despise my family and loved the cut and thrust of business life, no problem. If I were to be very close to my family (which I am) and reflected on my previous role with loathing fear and anxiety (which I don’t), no question of which option to take. But both choices have their own merits.

There’s a great talk on TED by Ruth Chang on Hard Choices and she is able to phrase this dilemma much more eloquently than me. However, I’m wondering how much of a ‘choice’ these 2 options really are – I must
choose 1 after all. It’s either one or the other that need to be compatible with my role of mother/wife/breadwinner/career girl/home bird………who am I again?

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